SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, When I am worried about acquiring nervous on the pulpit, I put a scum of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.
So next sunshine he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to reproof up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following none on the door:
1. imbibe the Vodka, dont gulp.
2. There argon 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. messiah was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus savior as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not beef the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a wave and was knocked off his donkey, dont say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, aim this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say Eat me
12.
The sodding(a) Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry,
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling fence at St. Peters, not a peter pulling skirmish at St. Taffys.
staples is right this is a joke, not an essay. Aside from that I love it. It was fun to read and down right hilarious.
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